Do We Know What Competent Parenting Is?

Parenting is such a personal matter, and children are all so different from each other, that we might wonder if there can be any agreement on what "competent parenting" is. To a surprising extent, researchers can agree. The greatest consensus surrounds the infancy period, when the characteristics of competent parenting are most strongly influenced by biology and least affected by culture.

By just examining U.S. culture in this era, researchers can give a surprisingly coherent picture of competent parenting across the years of childhood. The picture will have some variations depending upon the gender of the child and the ethnic subculture, social class, and family structure. The picture is complex, and researchers are quick to admit that their knowledge is incomplete. But it is fair to summarize that, to a surprisingly great extent, researchers can observe normal interactions of parents with their children at home, and from these observations can predict quite a bit about children's later compliance with adults, cooperativeness with peers, empathy with the distress of others, school failure or success, aggressiveness across their childhood years and into adulthood, and many other outcomes.

Much of the complex picture of parenting that is painted by research findings can be summarized in terms of (1) parent-child attachment in infancy, and (2) authoritative parenting in childhood and adolescence. A secure attachment bond in infancy is the result of parenting that is sensitively responsive and reliably available to the infant. Beginning in the preschool years, authoritative parenting combines high demandingness (high expectations for the child, a willingness by the parent to exert authority, set rules, and act consistently), and high responsiveness (expressing warmth to the child, listening to the child.s point of view, engaging in verbal give-and-take with the child, and explaining the reasons for the parent's rules).

Hundreds of research studies document that children who experience secure attachment relationships and authoritative parenting are much more likely than other children to "do better" in almost any measurable way. They are less resistant with their parents as 2-year olds; more cooperative with peers as preschoolers; and get better grades and get drunk less as teenagers. Even with this general conclusion we must note cultural differences. Among some groups, notably Asian-Americans and African-Americans, high demandingness alone leads to better outcomes regardless of the amount of responsiveness.

This column is written by Professor, Child and Family Studies; Child Development Specialist, UW-Madison/Extension