How I Discovered The Secret To Successful Communication With Toddlers

Ever since I was little, I have been fascinated by frogs and bugs and understanding how everything in our world….made sense! How all of Nature danced and spun, pulled and pushed and yet, in extraordinary and unexpected ways, always found its way back to a perfect harmony.

In my working with families for almost 30 years, I have come to understand that toddlers also always “make sense”! They dance and spin, pull and push, but they can quickly be led back to harmony if you know the odd and often unexpected path.

I travel that path every day with the toddlers who visit me for their health care. And now, like an adventurer who has just returned from an unexplored land, I am very excited to share the secrets I have discovered about toddlers with parents, grandparents, health professionals, educators, and all lovers of young children. In my first book, THE HAPPIEST BABY ON THE BLOCK, I explain how calming even the fussiest infants is easy once you can see the world from their point of view. Inside the womb newborns are continually fed, shushed, jiggled and cuddled (the sound our fetuses hear is louder than a vacuum cleaner…24/7). But once they’re born we leave them alone, in almost total stillness, for hours a day! No wonder so many babies have trouble adjusting during those first three months.

That essential insight led me to the discovery of the “calming reflex” (the off-switch for crying that all babies are born with) which parents can learn to turn on by recreating the coziness, the sounds, and the rhythmic motions of the womb.

Armed with this new perspective, parents became 100 times more successful at baby calming. Similarly, toddler calming is also 100 times more successful when you start from the right perspective.

The insight that makes dealing with toddlers so much easier is that they are, in many fundamental ways, little Neanderthals. I mean no offense by that. Really! But prehistoric humans had only very primitive language and were strong-willed, opinionated, negative, tenacious, distractible and impatient…is this starting to sound familiar?

Let me reassure you that I love toddlers! They’re my favorite of all age groups. They are curious, charming and cute. However, the more I researched anthropology and the latest findings on brain function in children the more correct the Neanderthal comparison seemed to me. Combined with what I knew about fetal and child development and my daily experiences in the office, I became convinced that “evolution” was the key to understanding and communicating with toddlers.

As I put these ideas into action, I began loving 18-month check ups! Once I learned how to speak the ancient language of toddlers I was able to soothe most skeptical, frightened, screaming little children in minutes…or less.

Part One of THE HAPPIEST TODDLER ON THE BLOCK explains the fascinating links between modern toddlers and prehistoric man. Of course, even the wildest toddler isn’t really a Stone Ager, but this general idea is like a window through which you’ll be able to view your child in a profound new way. Once you learn how your toddler is similar to a caveman, your true job will become clear—you must think of yourself as an ambassador from the 21st century to the Neanderthal people!

To do that job well, you need to know not only how your little Neanderthal thinks but also how to speak her lingo. Part Two teaches you this ancient “language.” You will learn what to say and—more importantly—how to say it. It’s not hard, just different. Once you understand the concepts the “Fast-Food Rule” and “Toddler-ese” you will be able to connect with your tantruming toddler and quickly guide her to peace and cooperation. Eight times out of 10, this approach, called “prehistoric parenting”, will work even when your child doesn’t get what she is begging you for. That’s because you’ll be giving her a gift that is even more precious to her than cookies and toys - love, respect, and understanding—in her language!

In addition, Part Two will teach you the tricks of successful praise, limit setting, and discipline. You will learn how to give nurturing messages through the “side door” of your child’s mind, the importance of helping her feel strong and powerful, and the art of successful toddler negotiations.

Finally, Part Three will show you how to apply “prehistoric parenting” to specific problems you may encounter with your toddler including sleep issues, toilet training, separation worries and biting. This section is loaded with practical tips that I’ve accumulated during my quarter-century in pediatric practice.

ABOUT DR. KARP

Dr. Harvey Karp is a nationally renowned pediatrician and child development specialist. He is an Associate Professor of Pediatrics at the UCLA School of Medicine. Over the past 20 years, he has taught thousands of parents, from working moms to superstars like Madonna, Michelle Pfeiffer and Pierce Brosnan his secrets for making children happy.

Dr. Karp has appeared numerous times on Good Morning America, The Dr. Phil Show, ABC World News Tonight, CNN, Lifetime Channel, numerous national radio programs and his work has been featured by the Associated Press and Time, Newsweek, and People Magazine. He is also an authority on children's environmental health and on breastfeeding. Dr. Karp has a private practice in Santa Monica, CA.